Here's a Sticking Point

[Dynamism]

I can't quite figure this out.

When a girl is talking about her troubles, what the hell are you supposed to do?
I heard that the way you react can make them lose respect for you, but how are you supposed to handle that.

Don't give advice, and just listen, or what? Then how does she know you're listening?

[Everest]

Originally Posted by Dynamism

When a girl is talking about her troubles, what the hell are you supposed to do?

Yes, generally you should not give too much advice. But it all depends on the situation. You don't want to be her emotional trash can, especiall when she's just your target and not a LTR.

If you want more detailed steps - can you give me an example of the kind of situation you want to know how to handle? LTR? What does she complain about? etc.

Originally Posted by Dynamism

Then how does she know you're listening?

There is a special PU-technique called "nodding" that helped me a lot. Maybe some "Hmmm"s and "Ah"s and "Yes"s.

[Dynamism]

lol, it was over AIM.
You are right though - I definitely don't want to be her emotional trash can. Especially when she complains about other guys not calling her! eek...

That for her was a huge problem, but I really felt like changing the topic... Which I think would have been the right move.

I think just (as you said), saying "ah" or "yes..." and then changing the topic would suffice.

[Superfreak]

I think it was a VA instructor that said this in another post was to say I understand and move on with gaming.

What I do is try to change the subject, as fast as possible and to get her in a better state. You want her to associate feeling good around you. So you should try and avoid listening to her complain.

You are right though not to verbally attack the guy or to give advice as it is very counterproductive to what you're trying to accomplish. Just get her into a better frame of mind either by changing the subject, using a routine, or playing a game with her such as role-playing or just about anything else that takes her mind off of the current topic. The ideal is not to become a dancing monkey, just to change her state to a better one so that she will associate those feelings with being around you. Then all you have to do once this subject has been changed is to play the game forward.

[TheBoss]

You don't want to be the girls shrink.

Saying something like "I have every confidence that you will figure this out"

[DietCoke]

This question is a sticky one for a good reason. Listening to her troubles can be a powerfull comfort/trust building option between you and her, that is of course if you can relate.

For example:
Girl: " I can't believe how cruel my ex is going around and telling his friends how easy I was".

Guy who can relate somewhat: " He's an asshole, most likely whining to his friends because you dumped him and he can't deal with the rejection so hes making himself feel better by degrading what you two had together, I've had a relationship like that...... lead into personal story about how your viscious ex gf told everyone how small your dick really is just kidding, or you could say something like... " Ive actually never had anyone do something so childish to me and for that Im thankful, but If it did happen I can imagine how upset it's making you feel, not that i like to give advice because it can come back to bite me in the ass but just forget about that asshole and find someone who treats you right"....... maybe then you could use something cocky and funny to steer the convo into a different direction off the top of my head I would say" to bad your not my type or I would treat you right et cetera "( just don't say it in an afc way that every shit for brain does)


example 2
Girl: I can't believe.... ^ same first example as above lmao. Im not retyping it.
Guy who can't relate: Damn.... So what are you doing later.

Ok, so basically I don't know how well I got the point across. What I'm trying to say is that yes you don't want to turn into her emotional dumpster by listening to all her worries and basically becoming another one of her girl friends, but by god if you have had a similar experience or have a vivid imagination like myself why not try and use it as somewhat of a comfort building tactic and show that you too have been shit on in your life . I mean I forget the offical term for the idea, but by doing this you show her that you can relate to her. And since theres no way in hell you should be hearing this when you first open the set, you should already be working towards your 10 hours of comfort building already.
Hope that helped.
DietCoke

[Hawaii]

All you need to say is "I understand"

[Syren]

Originally Posted by Hawaii

All you need to say is "I understand"

... and then move on to making her FEEL better. She will thank you for that.